The goal is to find someone who shares your same values and wants the same things for the relationship, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another. This is better than a phase out. Naturally it's ideal to let the other person know your intentions upfront.
As much as you want your partner to bring all good things to the table, they are wanting the same thing from you. This doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with you, but it may be a good opportunity to re-evaluate how you're behaving in your relationships. A lot of us cruise around through life on automatic pilot, and we're not always in tune with other people's feelings. But if you've been dumped more than twice in a row and you never saw it coming, it's time to check yourself. Just because you're focused on your goals doesn't mean you have to become a nun or a monk.